Recommitting to my band - listening to it and am doing well.  I have spent a lot of time lately trying to figure out how to eat MORE food with the band.  I know I need to see how Little food I can eat but I've been lying to myself.  Lying about being hungry, lying about peanut butter (big lie, I certainly cannot have it in my house).  It's really funny, when I am honestly listening to my band, I really am NOT hungry for a snack, NOT hungry for 2nds and no I will not expire of hunger if I do not have a snack in the evening or when I get home from work in the afternoon.  Things are looking up and I am just grateful that I have not sabatoged myself into gaining back all my weight!  15 lbs up but this is not an impossible amount of weight to relose nor is it an excuse to start hating myself.  Anyway, going to start blogging even when I have nothing but random thoughts.  I always stopped before because I always felt like I had to write a perfect, story, thoughts, etc.  Now I will just use it as a tool, just like my band!

Well am finally starting to lose again, down a couple pounds this week.  I just really have to remind myself that I do not need to, and should not be, snacking.  I really get myself in trouble doing this and should only eat a healthy snack if I am REALLY hungry.  I get in the habit and find myself grazing.  I really am not usually hungry between meals so it is just a habit I have reverted to.  So, every day, I am going to remind myself that I really do not need them.  Dr. May said something in her book, and I can't remember the exact wording, that you should not eat to avoid future hunger, you only eat when you actually are hungry. A guideline I am going to try harder to follow!

Well, here is a warning for us all.  The last few months I have been using an exercise ball instead of a chair at my desk at work.  Without warning it burst last week, unceremoniously dumping me on the floor, ouch.  Having had a sore tailbone for the past 2 years, since I lost weight and a lot of padding on my bum, my tailbone bore the brunt of the landing and is quite painful.  Anyway, my advice, as tempting as it sounds to bounce to the music at work, don't use a ball for a chair!  New subject - I gave myself permission to enjoy copious dessert on Mother's day and as firm as I was that I would not feel guilty about it, I am starting to feel guilty.  Probably the bloat that I am experiencing as a result.  I have to remember my new mission in my process of weight loss is to eliminate the self hate, guilt cycle.  I feel once I get that under control things will go much smoothly.  The self hate talk is so much more powerful than the "hey, you've lost a ton of weight and kept it off" talk.  I'm working on it though and getting better all the time! 

Woo hoo going camping this weekend for the first time this year.  Can't wait to get out on my 4 wheeler and take in the beauty of the woods.  Even though our leaves are not out yet I love this time of year - I can see forever out there without the brush blocking the view.  Well I love every time of year in the woods, each season has it's own beauty.  Summer is my best time of year for weight loss.  My sister and I pronounce our campground to be a sugar free zone and call some of our weekends (and weeks) spa weeks.  If you can call swimming in a cold weedy lake a spa treatment!  But we do and we love it.  So, here's to summer and now being able to......kayak, get in and out of a boat, run up the hill, fit in all the chairs, easily go to the bathroom in my camper (oh yeah, that WAS a problem!) and all the many wonderful things I can now do that I wasn't able to 3 summers ago!  Yay LIFE!! (oh, oh, too much caffiene this morning!) 

Seminars

Went to our local surgery seminar last night with my daughter.  I was very disappointed to see that they are really pushing the gastric bypass and discouraging the lap band even more than when I went to it before my surgery.  It was so negative I think that even I would have been tempted to get the bypass if I didn't know better.   I know the bypass brings in a lot more money to the hospital but really.  Anyway, had to get that thought out before it blew my brain up!

On a roll

Ran out to Sears tonight to look at their exercise bikes and found one for an extremely low price.  It was the floor model of a discontinued model.  Hauled it down to the basement and have already tried it out.  Woo hoo!  I also pulled out the old Jane Fonda Low Impact Aerobic Tape and pulled the furniture around so I can do that. I'm cooking with oil now!

Just went in for a fill and find I have only lost 3 lbs since last May,  Plateau anyone???  Anyway, I 've been working really hard on not being so hard on myself.  I'm a 57year old woman who has lost 96 lbs and kept it off for over a year.  Beating myself up is so counterproductive.  It is one of the biggest problems I have.  How easy it is to hate yourself, tell yourself you cannot be successful, blah, blah.  Liking myself - that is the new strategy - has to be more productive than the old one!